Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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