party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
