U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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