I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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