Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
