I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
