You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
