Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
