ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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