Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
my liver is dry heaving
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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