oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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