Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
