bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
