Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
