Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
