I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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