How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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