It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my sisters under your porch take her home
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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