Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
