all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
