You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
