the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My liver just had a heart attack.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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