he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
