Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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