Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
