Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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