At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
