now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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