Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
