a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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