I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
