I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
