She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
