Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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