I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
