I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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