I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
