Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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