There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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