dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
