i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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