Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
