I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
