Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Alive.
So much puke
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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