I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
