I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
