So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
