There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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