you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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