Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
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