all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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