"it" just moved
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
