the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
