Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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