1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
