apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
