6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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