In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize