I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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