he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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