you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
