I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
