I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize