i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
