Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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