You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
