Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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