Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
