I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
