so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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