How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
