he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN