white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
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At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
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Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us