Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning