i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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