but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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