So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
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