i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Farmville is her only friend.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My life is pants optional.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
